May 3, 2010 by Alan Dodson.

As you begin to embark on the journey to your wedding day, there will be many decisions you will need to make and many suppliers to consider. The best piece of advice I can give you is to “Get Professional Help”! That being said, many brides and their families will still want to do most of the selection of whom and what will be at their wedding. I will be publishing a series of articles on what to do and how to do it as it relates to some of the key things of a successful wedding and reception.

When brides and grooms start looking for wedding venues, too often they fall in love with the beauty of the place and sign a contract before they take the time to look at the practical aspect of their needs. But unless the place is so magical that you’re willing to plan your whole event around it, you should not choose your wedding venue until you’ve decided approximately how many guests you’re inviting and the size of your budget. You’ll also need to decide if you want to have your ceremony and reception at different locations, or if you want an all-in-one wedding venue.

Over the past few years, the traditions have changed. There was a time when almost all wedding occurred in a church. The reception, if any, may have been in the church basement or possibly at an outside location. Today, many couples are choosing to have their wedding and reception at the same facility. It makes sense, because guests do not have to travel between locations, and many young couples today are not members of a church congregation. Once you have made this decision, you will need to start researching and interviewing different wedding venues. Here are some items to keep in mind and some questions you may want to ask during your interviews.
You will want to book your venue anywhere from six to eighteen months before your actual selected wedding date, as the popular venues tend to fill up quickly. If you have your heart set on having your wedding at a particular facility, in addition to booking it early, you will want to keep your wedding date flexible.
You need to make a tentative guest list early and only consider venues that can comfortably handle the number of guests you think you may have. If you think you may have 160 guests, do not get a venue that sits only up to 150, hoping that some people don’t show up. It is never a good situation to have more guests than available seating.
It is also important to establish your overall budget early in your planning stage. Establish what portion of your budget will be devoted to the location. Keep in mind that a single location will generally be more economical unless you can use your church for free. Be sure to ask if certain days, like a Thursday or Sunday, offer a reduced rate. When you decide on a venue, make sure to find out when deposits and payments are due. A deposit to hold the date will be required and virtually all venues require full payment at least thirty days in advance of the wedding date.
Find out what items are included in the price. Some venues offer tables, linens, chairs and, even, decorations, while other venues offer only the space that you will need to fill. Be sure to find out if a set-up or clean-up fee is included in the price, as well as the hours before and after the wedding needed to do so.
If you and your partner have a particular type of food you want served, ask the venue if they require in-house catering or if they allow outside caterers. If the catering is in-house, is this a factor in the price?
Should you decide on an outdoor ceremony and reception, make sure you have a backup plan in case of bad weather. Ask about changing rooms for the bride, bridesmaids and groomsmen.
If you plan on serving alcohol, find out what types of rules or restrictions are in place at the facility. Some venues allow you to bring in your own liquor, while others make you use their own in-house bar and bartender. If you provide your own alcohol, plan on purchasing liquor liability insurance for your event.
Depending on the location of your venue, you may need to discuss the parking situation. Some venues may offer valet parking while others offer adequate-sized parking lots for all of your guests.

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February 17, 2010 by Alan Dodson.

by Ann Keeler Evans

Wedding vows should be grand statements in which you commit yourself to your partner. This means they should be personal even as they are more formal than the everyday language you use when speaking to one another. You may want to be completely traditional, you may want to write your own vows, but when you’re writing, try and avoid the following seductive mistakes:

Do Not

* Copy vows that you heard on tv or read in a magazine. It makes me crazy when people want to use vows from some movie stars third marriage to celebrate their own first marriage. Make promises to your beloved that reflect your plans and dreams.
* Use poetry that doesn’t mean anything to you. The tendency at weddings is to move toward mushiness. If you’re a mushy couple, celebrate that. But if you’re reserved — find something to suit you!
* Use whatever the celebrant gives you without adjusting the language to suit you. If you can’t do that, you’re working with the wrong wedding celebrant. Obedience has no place in a wedding ceremony. That’s not a romantic notion; it’s an abusive one. Women are not property; men are not infallible. You’re becoming partners.
* Be unclear what you’re promising. It’s pretty unbelievable, but there are people who show up to get married and have no idea what promises they’re about to make to their partner. Do you buy a house without reading the fine print? Love makes so much possible, but the promises you make need to be ones that are right for both of you.
* Forget to agree on what each promise means. What does cherish mean to you? What does it mean to your partner? What does it mean within the context of your marriage? What does forever mean? What do hard times mean?

Your wedding ceremony, your wedding day, your marriage demand that you take the time to figure out what you can joyfully offer one another as you commit your lives to eternal love. You have fallen in love. You want to be married to this person forever. You deserve to be married to one another forever.

Bottom Line?: Avoiding these five pitfalls will help you create wedding vows to celebrate your love in a way that a) makes sense in your wedding ceremony and b) will support the marriage to which you are committing your life. To help you do that, I’d like to invite you back to my website to receive 2 free templates for creating wedding vows that can help you create a marriage that lasts forever: http://www.annkeelerevans.org/weddings/optin

The Rev. Ann Keeler Evans - creating ceremonies to celebrate your life, your love, and your community.

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February 17, 2010 by Alan Dodson.

Traditions and customs… weddings are filled with them. “Something old, something blue…” and all that stuff! It’s more than just trivia; Have you ever stopped to wonder what on earth all of these wedding traditions and rituals actually mean and where or how they originated?

Most of these rituals and traditions have endured the test of time, having emerged centuries ago. How fascinating is that? How is it that they survive?

These wedding traditons and customs have historically been maintained over the years and handed down through the centuries because such traditions carry with them the promise that they will bring happiness and good fortune to the couple at this transitional time in their life - and who could be brave enough to tamper with that?

But more than this, by including wedding traditions, customs, or rituals in your wedding, you can make it more meaningful by choosing traditions that speak to you in some personal way. It’s almost magical to include traditions and customs in your wedding that date back hundreds of years, knowing that couples for generation upon generation before you have included the same rituals in their weddings. These traditions are the thread that ties us to history. They are like a gift from the past. Incuding some of these wedding traditions in your wedding will enhance your wedding experience, and at the very least, reading about them will fascinate, amaze, and maybe even amuse you…

Did you know that:

For centuries the month of June has been the most popular choice for weddings - but the original reason might surprise you. You see, during the 1400 -1500s, May was the month in which the “annual bath” occurred. Yes, just as it sounds, back then people were only able to bathe thoroughly once each year. As such, since the over-all population was smelling relatively fresh in June, it was a good time to hold a special event like a wedding! Further, the month of June is named after the goddess Juno, who was the Roman counterpart to Hera, the goddess of the hearth and home, and patron of wives.

Ancient tradition thought it was unlucky to marry in the month of May because in Romans times the Feast of the Dead and the Festival of the Goddess of Chastity both occurred in May.

To practice writing your new name prior to the wedding (and what bride doesn’t do this?) is believed to tempt fate and thus, is also believed to result in bad luck during the marriage!

Bad weather on the way to the wedding is believed to signify unhappiness in the marriage. Traditionally it is believed that cloudy skies and wind en route to the wedding will result in a stormy marriage. However, snow on the way to the wedding is a sign of fertility and prosperity!

According to an old legend, the month in which you marry may have some bearing on the fate of the marriage:

“Married when the year is new, he’ll be loving, kind and true;
When February birds do mate, you wed nor dread your fate;
If you wed when March winds blow, joy and sorrow both you’ll know;
Marry in April when you can, joy for Maiden and for Man;
Marry in the month of May, and you’ll surely rue the day;
Marry when June roses grow, over land and sea you will go;
Those who in July do wed, must labor for their daily bred;
Whoever wed in August be, many a change is sure to see;
Marry in September’s shrine, your living will be rich and fine;
If in October you do marry, love will come but riches tarry;
If you wed in bleak November, only joys will come, remember;
When December snows fall fast, marry and true love will last”.

It was thought that misfortune would come to those who married during lent - “Marry in Lent, live to repent” - because lent was a time for abstinence.

The tradition for the bride to wear white began in the 16th century and is still commonly followed today. This is a symbol of the bride’s purity and her worthiness of her groom. The tradition became solidified during the time of Queen Victoria who rebelled against the royal tradition for Royal brides to wear silver. Instead, the queen preferred the symbolism which is expressed by wearing white. The brides of the time quickly emulated the queen, and the tradition has continued in full force to this day.

There is an old saying that “the bride wore a green gown”. This implies the belief that she was promiscuous before marriage and refers to the image of her rolling around in grassy fields with a young man.

Traditionally brides have been thought to be particularly vulnerable to evil spirits. Many wedding customs and traditions were originated as an attempt to fight away such evil. The veil was worn with the belief that it would disguise the bride and fool the evil spirits. It was not until 1800 in Britain that the veil came to symbolize modesty and chastity. Today, the veil remains the ultimate symbol of virginity.

It is held that a final look in the mirror right before the bride leaves her home for the ceremony will bring good luck. However, if she looks in a mirror once again before the ceremony, her luck will tarnish to bad!

It is believed to be bad luck for the bride to make her own wedding dress.

Seeing a lamb, frog, spider, black cat, or rainbows on the way to the ceremony is believed to be a sign of good luck!

It is believed to be bad luck for the bride to wear her complete outfit before the wedding day. As an extension to this, some brides leave a final stitch on the dress undone until the day of the wedding for good luck.

“To change the name and not the letter, is to expect the worst and not the better!” This little riddle conveys the notion that it is thought to be unlucky to marry a man whose last name begins with the same first letter as your own.

Seeing an open grave, pig, or lizard on the way to the ceremony, or hearing a crow after dawn on the morning of the wedding are all thought to be omens of bad luck.

In times past, if a young man encountered a blind person, a pregnant woman, or a monk while on his way to propose to his intended bride, it was believed that the marriage would be doomed if he continued along because these images were thought to be bad omens.

On the other hand, if he were to happen upon a pigeon, wolf, or goat, he could expect extremely good fortune in the marriage.

Catching a glimpse of a monk or a nun is also thought to be a omen of misfortune because of their association with poverty and chastity.

The tradition of tying tin cans to the back of the newlywed’s vehicle originated long ago when items which would produce noise were tied to the back of the couple’s carriage to scare away evil spirits.

Playing pranks on the newlywed couple was also a tradition which began with the intentions of warding off evil spirits. Loyal friends of the couple would do this in hopes that the spirits would take pity on the couple for already being picked upon enough, and would then leave the couple alone.

The tradition of having members of the wedding party dress alike was started with the hopes that this would cause confusion for the spirits and send them on their way.

Tradition says that the first member of the newlywed couple to purchase a new item following the wedding will be the dominant force in the relationship. As such, to this day some superstitious brides will pre-arrange to buy a small item from one of the bridesmaids immediately following the ceremony!

Cakes have played a part of weddings all through history. The Romans shared a plain cake of flour, salt and water during the wedding ceremony itself, as Native Americans still do today. The traditional fruit cake originated in Britain, with the fruit and nuts being a symbol of fertility.

Cutting the wedding cake together, still a predominant ritual at weddings, symbolizes the couple’s unity, their shared future, and their life together as one.

In old England it was traditional to bake a ring into the wedding cake as a symbol of bliss and happiness. The guest whose piece of cake contained the ring, it was said, could look forward to a full year of uninterrupted happiness.

Another old English custom was to throw a plate with a piece of wedding cake out of a window on the occasion of the bride’s first return to her family home after the wedding. If the plate broke she could expect a happy future with her husband - but if the plate remained intact, prospects for the future became grim.

The custom of throwing rice at the newlywed couple was to symbolize fertility. In some cultures, it was not rice which was thrown, but rather small cakes or pieces of a crumbled cake. Today some still throw rice, but more commonly confetti or rose petals are thrown in place of rice due to a number of practical and environmental reasons - the symbolism remains the same! [Rice can be hazardous and often fatal to birds who frequently attempt to eat it off the ground. It is also very easy to slip upon, presenting potential for injury.]

The three tiered cake is believed to have been inspired by the spire of Saint Bride’s Church in London, England.

It is believed that an unmarried male guest who keeps a piece of wedding cake under his pillow as he sleeps will increase his chances of finding a mate. An unmarried bridesmaid who does the same will dream of her future husband.

It is customary, near the end of the reception, for the single female guests to gather around the bride who will throw her bouquet over her shoulder for one of them to catch. Originally, the bride would actually throw one of her shoes over her shoulder during this ritual. Tradition says that whoever catches the bouquet shall be the next to marry. She keeps the bouquet to ensure this destiny.

A parallel custom is for the groom to remove the garter worn by the bride and throw it back over his shoulder toward the unmarried male guests. Whoever catches it will reportedly be the next gentleman to marry.

“Something old, something new, Something borrowed, Something blue, And a silver sixpence in your shoe”. This well known little rhyme originated during Victorian times and is still commonly practiced for good luck. Traditionally, the “old” would have been the garter of a happily married woman, with the thought being that her good fortune would be passed down along with it. The “new” stood for the couple’s new bright and happy future together. “Something borrowed” was usually a much valued item from the bride’s family. It symbolized prosperity within the new union, but would bring that good fortune only if it was returned to the family. “Something blue” came from an ancient tradition in which the bride would wear a blue ribbon in her hair as a symbol for fidelity. Placing a silver sixpence in the bride’s shoe was to ensure wealth in the couple’s life. Today brides often slip a penny inside their shoe before the ceremony in place of the difficult to acquire silver sixpence. As such, the rhyme is often adapted to “…And a lucky penny in your shoe”.

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